It’s one of those statements that I know is meant to be encouraging, but somehow it feels judgmental. This morning I was about 1.5 miles into my 3 mile run when a guy on a bike rode past, and as he did, he gave me a thumbs up, then held his arm out with a fist (like he was flexing his muscles). I know what he meant. Good for you, keep it up, you got this, etc.
And I know he meant well- and when people do things like that, I take it in the vein it was intended. He was encouraging me, and I did appreciate that. It’s just…
Well, no one does that for the skinny in-shape people. No one says “good for you” to the fit people who are out running.
So, I take it as – “hey fat ass, it’s good to see you got off the couch and are doing something to get in shape”. I know, I know. Be positive. Be happy people notice what you are trying to do. Bleh, bleh, bleh. I DO get it. It’s just…
Well, it feels demeaning. Like they think if someone doesn’t encourage me, I won’t keep doing it or something.
I have to remind myself that they don’t know what I’ve been through. About how the cancer treatments rob you of all fitness. How the steroids they give you at every treatment keeps you from losing weight, even when you are barely eating due to nausea. How the anti-cancer medicine continues to rob me of sleep, which causes increased stress levels, which makes it nearly impossible to lose weight, regardless of how much I exercise.
Hey, he noticed I was trying my hardest and he wanted to let me know that. He meant well. That’s what matters, right? So, I yelled out “Thank you!” to him. And I smiled for a while as I ran. And I remembered that what other people think of how I look doesn’t quite matter that much to me anymore. So, good for me!
I wanted to also let everyone know who may be wondering- I remain cancer-free! The radiologist said that all looked normal, nothing to worry about! Thanks for all your support.