My head is crooked

I bought some sunglasses the other day, and as I tried on several different pairs, I realized my head is crooked. I always thought it was my other pair of sunglasses. They lay slightly crooked on my face – I can see if I look downward that one side touches my cheek, but on the other side, there is a gap. I thought it was the glasses. After I got them, I kept trying to bend them a little to make them fit, and finally gave up.

DCIM100MEDIA

If you look close you can see the gap.

I figured a new pair of sunglasses would fit better, but now I realize, it’s my head. My head is crooked. I also have a dry spot on the top of my head towards the back. I have to admit I know it’s there because I am a worrier and tend to keep touching my dry skin (making it worse of course) when deep in thought. I do it on my face and my neck, and also that spot on my head. And I scratch at them, usually absent-mindedly, but I become aware at some point that I am doing this and make myself stop. 😦

It occurred to me that all of this will show when my hair is gone. My crooked head, the dry spot. What else? I mean, my head has been covered with varying lengths of hair my entire life since shortly after birth. What else does it hide? Ugly veins? Weird shaped bumps? :/

Reagan told me the other day that when my hair fell out, she would like it if I kept my head covered all the time, because she didn’t want to see it. A 7 year old’s view of all this, so of course it didn’t hurt my feelings. I did explain to her that I was still going to be me, I would just look differently. I also told her that I would not have my head covered all the time, and that she would just get have to get used to how I looked after a while.

It has started. The hair fall. My scalp feels tight and dry, and every time I touch my head, my hand comes away with several strands of hair. My hair is pretty thick, so it will take a while to be noticeable at this rate, although I expect after Thursday’s chemo treatment, the rate will increase rapidly.

So far, no such luck on my legs and pits. Dang it! Looking forward to not having to shave anymore, so that part can’t come soon enough.

So, if when you see me next time I’m hairless, be kind – I know my head’s crooked and I have that dry patch there. If you see any ugly veins or weird bumps, no need point them out. I don’t really want to know.

I’ll probably be wearing a head covering of some kind, but some of my bald might peek out. It’s ok. I’m still me underneath.

sunglasses

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10 thoughts on “My head is crooked

  1. Gina – you will ALWAYS be you – hair or no hair. Beautiful inside and out! compassionate, giving and thoughtful. Admire your strength! Keep taking each day as it comes – and enjoy each day. Take care wonderful person!

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  2. Indeed! Hair, or no hair, Gina. We take you as we get you, and did you know that EVERYbody’s head/face is a little crooked? Mine is too, so next time I see you we’ll take selfies of our crooked selves.

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  3. So you have (or had) a Crooked Head too! As for the hairwork article – I understand a small clip of hair that you keep from your baby’s first haircut. These braided jewelry and other ‘hair’ looms (pardon the pun) are well, a bit disturbing. Besides, my hair is too short to braid. 🙂

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  4. Gina, when I starting losing my hair, my best friend shaved my head for me. We had fun doing it and taking pics and such. I personally did not find it to be traumatic at all but kind of freeing. I did wear a wig sometimes that looked just like my hair, but also had fun with really cute hats and scarves. Just be sure to put on your makeup and jewelry and wear it proudly, you are a survivor. Also, when my totally straight hair grew back it was very curly! I lovedy curly hair, it was the best hair I’ve ever had. It lasted a couple of years nut is now back to straight. 😦 Hang in there, you are doing great!

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  5. Haha- thanks Sandy! I am more irritated by it right now than anything – every time I touch my head a bunch of hair falls out. The shower has to be cleaned every morning and afterward it took me ten minutes to get the excess hair loose and off my fingers into the trash! Bleh!

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