I bought some sunglasses the other day, and as I tried on several different pairs, I realized my head is crooked. I always thought it was my other pair of sunglasses. They lay slightly crooked on my face – I can see if I look downward that one side touches my cheek, but on the other side, there is a gap. I thought it was the glasses. After I got them, I kept trying to bend them a little to make them fit, and finally gave up.
I figured a new pair of sunglasses would fit better, but now I realize, it’s my head. My head is crooked. I also have a dry spot on the top of my head towards the back. I have to admit I know it’s there because I am a worrier and tend to keep touching my dry skin (making it worse of course) when deep in thought. I do it on my face and my neck, and also that spot on my head. And I scratch at them, usually absent-mindedly, but I become aware at some point that I am doing this and make myself stop. 😦
It occurred to me that all of this will show when my hair is gone. My crooked head, the dry spot. What else? I mean, my head has been covered with varying lengths of hair my entire life since shortly after birth. What else does it hide? Ugly veins? Weird shaped bumps?
Reagan told me the other day that when my hair fell out, she would like it if I kept my head covered all the time, because she didn’t want to see it. A 7 year old’s view of all this, so of course it didn’t hurt my feelings. I did explain to her that I was still going to be me, I would just look differently. I also told her that I would not have my head covered all the time, and that she would just get have to get used to how I looked after a while.
It has started. The hair fall. My scalp feels tight and dry, and every time I touch my head, my hand comes away with several strands of hair. My hair is pretty thick, so it will take a while to be noticeable at this rate, although I expect after Thursday’s chemo treatment, the rate will increase rapidly.
So far, no such luck on my legs and pits. Dang it! Looking forward to not having to shave anymore, so that part can’t come soon enough.
So, if when you see me next time I’m hairless, be kind – I know my head’s crooked and I have that dry patch there. If you see any ugly veins or weird bumps, no need point them out. I don’t really want to know.
I’ll probably be wearing a head covering of some kind, but some of my bald might peek out. It’s ok. I’m still me underneath.